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Discussion 1 to Ask the Patriarch 236
How about a Fellowship, then?

by: YN

Editor's Note: I was going to limit this individual to two articles this week out of the many he submitted, his reply to Meditation 38, and Talk Back 102. But then this arrived, and I felt it needed dealing with firmly and promptly.

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Dear John Tyrrell,

I wish you can confer me a certificate of Honorary Fellow from the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic.



The Patriarch replies:

Absolutely not!

Look! You are a Christian - or at least you claim to be. To make this request denigrates your own religion. You are like Peter denying Christ. (We even have a statement to that effect on the ordination application - which you went ahead and submitted anyway last month.)

This is an agnostic organization. It is for agnostics. To grant you, a supposed Christian, a fellowship (which we don't offer anyway) would be to denigrate our own religious understandings. We are not going to do that.

I understand that you are apparently desperate for documentation of some kind from us, and your unstated reasons would probably be incomprehensible to us. However, you have not qualified for anything to date. Your response to Meditation 38 in attempting to qualify for a doctorate was pathetic. It contained nothing new, it contained nothing that addressed the original question, and it contained material which was not just in error, but which was false. These are not problems related to writing in a second (or possibly third) language - these are problems with the underlying thought process.

But perhaps if I give you a token something - give you a mercy f* - sorry, a mercy degree - you'll stop wasting my time with your silly requests. I can't give you a doctorate in Philosophy or in Theology which you have asked for in other correspondence. To do so would insult qualified philosophers and theologians and there are people with those qualifications that I respect.

Upon consideration of an appropriate qualification given the subject matter and the quality of your writings, I will issue you an Honorary Doctorate in Christian Apologetics.*

(Degree image deleted by request of "YN" - April 2012)

That's it! That's all you are getting from me in the way of documentation. Kindly make no more requests for degrees, certificates, ordinations, or qualifications of any kind.



* I'll deal with the outraged comments of other, perhaps more qualified Christian Apologists who feel insulted when and if they arrive.